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What is Conflict?

Conflict is defined as a clash between individuals arising out of a difference in thought process, attitudes, understanding, interests, requirements, and even sometimes perceptions. Conflict results in heated arguments, physical abuses, and definitely loss of peace and harmony. Conflict can change relationships, for e.g., friends can become foes.

Conflict can be classified into four categories

1. Interpersonal Conflict refers to a conflict between two individuals. This occurs typically due to how people are different from one another.

2. Intrapersonal conflict occurs within an individual. The experience takes place in the person’s mind. Hence, it is a type of conflict that is psychological involving the individual’s thoughts, values, principles, and emotions.

3. Intra-group conflict is a type of conflict that happens among individuals within a team. The incompatibilities and misunderstandings among these individuals lead to an intra-group conflict.

4. Inter-group conflict takes place when a misunderstanding arises among different teams within an organization.

• Relationship Conflicts – The source of this kind of conflict is interpersonal differences, miscommunication, strong emotions, lack of trust or interaction styles. Language can sometimes play into this.

• Data Conflicts – The source of this kind of conflict is the lack of information, misinformation, different view of relevance of the data, or interpretations of what the data means.

• Interest Conflicts – The source of this kinds of conflict is based on competing or conflicting interests, interests around the procedure for making a decision or negotiating an outcome or psychological interests (status, power, identity, autonomy etc.).

• Value Conflicts – These conflicts are caused by differing world views or criteria for evaluating ideas. They also may be due to perceived disrespect or violation of a personally held value.

• Structural Conflicts – The source of this kinds of conflict is unequal power, authority, influence/voice, control of resources, or time constraints. Oftentimes structural conflicts have their roots in culture, history, or tradition and as such may be overlooked or not even considered.

How do you relate to conflict?

“Conflict is the beginning of consciousness.”

~ M. Esther Harding

What comes to your mind when you think of the term conflict?

Conflicts are often perceived as unpleasant, and people tend to avoid it than dealing with it. Conflict is an inevitable part of human interactions or relationships and can be emotionally draining. It takes significant effort to avoid conflicts or ignore someone and the feeling after involving in an argument is legitimately negative. However, conflict is not always negative or detrimental. Conflicts, when well managed can lead to better and satisfactory relationships.

Guide to Peer Conflict (online and in-person)

Peer conflict refers to disagreements and oppositional interactions between peers and peer groups that are situational, immediate, and developmentally appropriate. Conflicts arise when two or more students with similar observed or perceived power have differences in opinions or perspectives. Causes of conflict include difference in perceptions, limited resources, overlapping authority amongst others etc. Peer conflicts can occur offline and online.

Offline Peer Conflicts

Social environments give rise to conflicts among peers. School factors such as support and discipline approaches and family factors such as interaction, discipline, and communication patterns are associated with youth who engage in aggressive behaviors. Individual factors like problem solving skills, self-regulation skills, and language also play a role.

Potential causes of offline peer conflicts can be:

· Lack of Communication

- Indifference

- Disrespect

- Personal judgements

- Persistency

- Misunderstandings

· Personal

- Unnecessary Complaints

- High Expectations

- Dissatisfaction about meeting their desires

- Personal ambitions and weaknesses

- Prejudicial attitudes

- Ignorance

· Political/ ideological

- Respecting different opinions

- Lack of tolerance

- Insistence on personal judgements

· Organizational

- Inability to follow rules

- Neglect of duty

- Negative effects of the social environment

- Teaching program

- Student absences

- Failure in education and training

- Unfairness in task distribution

- Inability to get to know students

Online Peer Conflicts

In the digital age we live in, children and adolescents have easy access to various social media websites and online communities, which create platforms for youngsters to interact with peers beyond the schoolyard. Although these interactions can be entertaining and valuable, the relatively anonymous nature of the interactions increases the probability that youngsters are targeted, provoked, or even harassed.

Potential causes of online peer conflicts can be:

· Negative Feelings

· Comparisons

· Groupism

· Provocation

· Isolation

· Self esteem

· Manipulations

Guide to Peer Mediation

Conflicts are a normal and inevitable part of our lives. Students are bound to have conflicts with peers over the course of their school careers. But it isn't inevitable that these conflicts have to be unproductive, ruin relationships, take time away from academics, or lead to violence. A peer mediation program is an effective way for schools to decrease violence and empower students to better deal with the difficult situations they experience at school, and later as members of society.

Peer mediation is a voluntary process in which a student trained as a neutral third party helps other students in conflict get clear about their concerns, better understand one another, and come to a mutual agreement about how they want to handle their issues. Using conflict resolution skills and the peer mediation process, students can begin to see conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than something that fuels anger, frustration or even violence.

Goals and Objectives of Mediation

The goal of peer mediation is to help a school become a more healthy, positive, and safe learning environment by empowering students to manage conflict, transform relationships and enhance school climate. Program objectives can include: reducing the rates of office referrals, suspensions and expulsions; creating a stronger sense of community by bridging differences; and instilling valuable, lifelong skills that prepare students to become productive citizens.

Specifically, peer mediation:

• Empowers students with the skills and strategies for dealing with conflict;

• Develops communication and decision-making tools that influence choices in the future and increase leadership potential;

• Helps students gain perspective and understanding of themselves, others and their issues;

• Improves school climate by building relationships;

• Reduces the alienation, disenfranchisement and powerlessness that many students
  feel;

• Builds a strong sense of cooperation within the school community in order to address disputes that interfere with learning.

A mediator:

1. Listen well to understand better.

2. Avoids trying to fix, tell, suggest or give advice.

3. Clarifies in order to deepen understanding by:

· Restating

· Asking open-ended questions

· Reframing

· Being silent

· Looking and listening for cues to return the power to the parties.

4. Invites each disputant to respond to what the other has said.

5. Repeat these steps as often as necessary.

As a mediator, there are four principles one must always follow:

1. Neutrality. A mediator should treat each person equally and fairly. Mediator should not take sides, play favorites, or decide who’s right or wrong.

2. Self-determination. The principle of self-determination means that mediators will respect the parties’ right to decide for themselves how to settle their differences. As difficult as it might be, he/she should not give advice or make suggestions; rather help the parties to find out those solutions for themselves. Finally, the mediator cannot decide what the agreement will say.

3. Confidentiality. The promise of confidentiality guarantees that the mediator will not share information about what happened or what was said in mediation except with the mediation advisor. In addition, during a mediation session, he/she must not tell one person what the other person(s) said in confidence unless the permission to do so has been given.

4. Consent. Consent is the principle that people agree voluntarily to participate in mediation. They are never forced to come to mediation and they are never forced to sign an agreement.

The six steps of peer mediation

A typical peer mediation session will generally break down into six distinctive steps:

1. Parties agree to mediate

2. Parties tell their stories

3. Parties focus on interests and needs

4. Mediators work on creating win-win situations

5. Parties evaluate options

6. Parties create an agreement

The Mediation Process

Introduction

• Mediators introduce themselves to the disputants, ask for the disputants’ names, and explain the process, including confidentiality.

Sharing Perspectives

• Each disputant tells his/her story of what happened.

• Disputants share their interpretation of what happened and how the
  conflict made them feel.

Getting More Information

• Mediators ask open-ended questions to clarify and verify.

• Mediators ask, “Is there anything else that we need to know?”

Defining the Problem

• Mediators paraphrase and restate each disputant’s account.

• Mediators guide disputants to come to an agreement about what the problem really is.

Brainstorming Solutions

• Disputants brainstorm possible solutions.

• Mediators ask disputants to talk about which solutions the disputants are willing to agree on and which ones are not agreeable.

• Mediators ask disputants to talk about how each possible solution will affect the disputants’ relationship with each other.

Choosing Solutions

• Disputants decide together how they will proceed.

• Disputants come to an agreement on which solutions are the best.

• Mediators ask if the disputants are satisfied and if they need anything else from the mediation.

Closing

• Mediators thank the disputants for participating and remind them, if necessary, of confidentiality.

• Mediators mention that if the disputants need help in the future, the mediation process is always available to them.

How can you manage conflict in your family?

Disagreeing now and then is a normal part of family life. Sharing your feelings—and your frustrations is important at a time when you want to resolve conflict with your family. Avoiding all conflict can be unhealthy for relationships.But arguing all the time with your partner or other family members can be harmful So it's important to be careful about how you deal with conflict in your family.

Here are five Ways to Manage Family Conflict:

1. You can manage your family conflict working as team so both parties understand the views and feeling of one another.

2. Try to listen to what the other person is saying is a great technique that can be used while you are auguring with a family member.

3. Try to put your emotion aside and. Be able to have a talk at the same time try to stay calm and do yell at the other person.

4. Communicate with the other side clearly and be able to have actively listen, so you can understand what the other side is saying.

5. Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.

What's Your Conflict Style:

At the same time, conflict can be a motivator that generates new ideas and innovation, as well as leads to increased flexibility and a better understanding of working relationships. However, conflict needs to be effectively managed in order to contribute to the success of organizations.

Each person have a conflict style that they normally used when they are dealing with conflict.

According to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, there are five major styles of conflict management—collaborating, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising.

1. Accommodating

An accommodating style forsakes your own needs or desires in exchange for those of others. You would be putting the concerns of others before your own. This style usually takes place when you either simply give in or are persuaded to give in.

This style could be appropriate to use when you care less about the issue than the others, want to keep the peace, feel as though you are in the wrong, or feel like you have no choice but to agree to the other point-of-view.

2. Avoiding

An avoiding style completely evades the conflict. You would neither pursue your beliefs nor those of the others involved. Simply, you would continuously postpone or completely dodge the conflict whenever it comes up.

This style could be appropriate to use when the conflict seems trivial, you don't have the time or need more time to think, you feel as though you have no chance of winning, or you're afraid of being met with resentment.

3. Compromising

A compromising style attempts to find a solution that will at least partially please all parties. You would work to find a middle ground between all the needs, which would typically leave people unsatisfied or satisfied to a certain extent.

This style could be appropriate to use when it's more important to reach a solution than for the solution to be great, a deadline is rapidly approaching, you're at an impasse, or you need a temporary solution for the moment.

4. Collaborating

A collaborating style attempts to find a solution that will meet the needs of all parties. Rather than trying to find a middle ground solution, you would aim for a solution that actually satisfies everyone and ends up being a win-win situation.

This style could be appropriate when multiple perspectives need to be addressed, there is an important relationship present between the parties, the final solution is too important for anyone to be displeased, or the beliefs of multiple stakeholders must be represented.

5. Competing

A competing style takes a firm stance and refuses to see the perspectives of the other parties. You would keep pushing your viewpoint at others or keep rejecting their ideas until you get your way.

This style could be appropriate when you have to stand up for your rights or morals, need to make a quick decision and force others to get on board, need to end a long-term conflict, or have to prevent a terrible, opposing decision from being made.

Now that you're familiar with the different ways to approach conflict, let's see how these styles can be used in day-to-day conflicts.